Revelations 12:11
pg.1 of many pages...
As I mentioned before, I'm writing this story because I was told tell my testimony. You see, I'm what many would call a targeted individual and because of this my life has been put in danger more than I can count. It started -I believe- at birth because my biological father was stationed at Camp Lejeune during the time they were sprayed and fed agent orange. Which has been identified as a reason why the first born daughters (I am) have been unhealthy or suffered deformities (my health has always been bad, and my niece as well as my little cousin have arm deformities, as my Uncle was also stationed there-). This must've landed me on some sort of watch list (which would explain my visits to the pediatrician that were always different than my brother and sister). I believe that developed into something larger as I grew up (because of this social scoring system they use). This eventually led to them trying to take my life on multiple occasions and set me up on many more.
This story of stories hasn't been easy to tell, and when I first was charged with telling it, I realized the memories of my childhood were far and few between. By now I've come to terms with the fact that my childhood was abusive in more ways than one. This is more than likely the cause of needing to ask for my memories to come back. Most of what I can recall has been fragmented and it causes me a lot of grief when I revisit them. I hope this doesn't lead to me jumping around too much but, the mental trauma had to of shown its face when I lost my virginity. My mother was always calling me whores! It made me feel like; "Why don't I just do what she says I am?" Cause, if I wasn't why would she say I am? (sounds like what the rapper Eminem says)
Anyhow, because I've been essentially "hunted" for the last ten years it had come a point that I needed to ask Abba Father "Why am I still alive?"
His reply: "I'm not done with you yet."
So I asked another question (because, they've tried to take my life so many times and I'd made it out alive). "How will I die?"
His response: "they will cut your head off."
In the midst of trying to overcome all the evil things I was used to doing I had to ask "how can I overcome?" (cause all I want to do his will) and he showed me Revelations 12:11 "And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; for they loved not their lives unto the death."
I knew then what I needed to do.
I'd started these blogs showing stuff from what the Prophet Jonathan Kleck had been revealing and random other stuff like criminal deeds that were being disclosed. I'd stopped posting for some time so, I'd decided to start a YouTube channel and start back utilizing these blogs to maybe generate an income. It was then I was charged with telling my testimony to the public.
pg.1 of many pages...
How do I start this story? Do I tell of everything I've ever done wrong first? Or do I resort in using a timeline of events? I've tried going on the whim, writing off feelings, and trying to make it make sense. But, when I'd come back to read was disappointed in the outcome. This is one of many personal issues that's plagued my life. Another would be my mouth-as I have a tendency to talk way too much-and it's foolish. I'm over analytical, used to judging things off mans precepts, and basically my own worst enemy. So, how do I find a happy medium when it comes to writing down what I've been led to understand since I was asked to tell my testimony by the Lord God himself? In my faith, I call upon the Lord God (who I know as Abba Father) to direct my words in the name of Jesus Christ to make clear what I've witnessed to edify my Lord and Savior.
Deuteronomy 32:3
3For I will proclaim the name of the LORD. Ascribe greatness to our God! 4He is the Rock, His work is perfect; all His ways are just. A God of faithfulness without injustice, righteous and upright is He...
This is a story of how I learned of there being a good you and a bad you existing within each one of us. All of us have had a struggle or two, and quite frankly, this struggle has been with no-one else but YOU and this goes for all of us. Essentially, this story is my autobiography, Carmen D. Rivera-Long, and it's been a very supernatural one that's almost unbelievable for me. My story of stories is of envy, strife, brokenness, loss, abuse, and hate that's turned into hope, love, and through mercy; forgiveness. In my journey to escape the clutches of death I was shown the very thing that kept me bound. And it was no other person than me!
Deuteronomy 32:3
3For I will proclaim the name of the LORD. Ascribe greatness to our God! 4He is the Rock, His work is perfect; all His ways are just. A God of faithfulness without injustice, righteous and upright is He...
This is a story of how I learned of there being a good you and a bad you existing within each one of us. All of us have had a struggle or two, and quite frankly, this struggle has been with no-one else but YOU and this goes for all of us. Essentially, this story is my autobiography, Carmen D. Rivera-Long, and it's been a very supernatural one that's almost unbelievable for me. My story of stories is of envy, strife, brokenness, loss, abuse, and hate that's turned into hope, love, and through mercy; forgiveness. In my journey to escape the clutches of death I was shown the very thing that kept me bound. And it was no other person than me!
As I mentioned before, I'm writing this story because I was told tell my testimony. You see, I'm what many would call a targeted individual and because of this my life has been put in danger more than I can count. It started -I believe- at birth because my biological father was stationed at Camp Lejeune during the time they were sprayed and fed agent orange. Which has been identified as a reason why the first born daughters (I am) have been unhealthy or suffered deformities (my health has always been bad, and my niece as well as my little cousin have arm deformities, as my Uncle was also stationed there-). This must've landed me on some sort of watch list (which would explain my visits to the pediatrician that were always different than my brother and sister). I believe that developed into something larger as I grew up (because of this social scoring system they use). This eventually led to them trying to take my life on multiple occasions and set me up on many more.
This story of stories hasn't been easy to tell, and when I first was charged with telling it, I realized the memories of my childhood were far and few between. By now I've come to terms with the fact that my childhood was abusive in more ways than one. This is more than likely the cause of needing to ask for my memories to come back. Most of what I can recall has been fragmented and it causes me a lot of grief when I revisit them. I hope this doesn't lead to me jumping around too much but, the mental trauma had to of shown its face when I lost my virginity. My mother was always calling me whores! It made me feel like; "Why don't I just do what she says I am?" Cause, if I wasn't why would she say I am? (sounds like what the rapper Eminem says)
Anyhow; I remember one time she asked, "what are you afraid of Carmen?" I replied, "I'm scared I won't live up to your expectations."
She had some weird hold on me and when I look back on it I wonder; why did she? But, obviously this hold was something fierce cause I lost my virginity just over the mere fact she claimed I was a whore (even though I was a virgin). My ex-husband told me once- when I was upset and crying- That I was heartless and he wondered what my mother had on me that would make me cry in a second. He said no-one could make me cry but her, and I hate to admit this but, he was more than right.
Heck, I lost my virginity because my mother would call me whores and I felt like I needed to "measure" up to her thoughts of who I was. Now that I look back on it all I feel really disturbed with my own responses. But, as time has proven me that it comes full circle. I realize I can't run from who I was. Mom's now gone and my fear has changed into hope and love. I fear what God is going to do to me as I stand before him.
Heck, I lost my virginity because my mother would call me whores and I felt like I needed to "measure" up to her thoughts of who I was. Now that I look back on it all I feel really disturbed with my own responses. But, as time has proven me that it comes full circle. I realize I can't run from who I was. Mom's now gone and my fear has changed into hope and love. I fear what God is going to do to me as I stand before him.
Anyhow, because I've been essentially "hunted" for the last ten years it had come a point that I needed to ask Abba Father "Why am I still alive?"
His reply: "I'm not done with you yet."
So I asked another question (because, they've tried to take my life so many times and I'd made it out alive). "How will I die?"
His response: "they will cut your head off."
In the midst of trying to overcome all the evil things I was used to doing I had to ask "how can I overcome?" (cause all I want to do his will) and he showed me Revelations 12:11 "And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; for they loved not their lives unto the death."
I knew then what I needed to do.
I'd started these blogs showing stuff from what the Prophet Jonathan Kleck had been revealing and random other stuff like criminal deeds that were being disclosed. I'd stopped posting for some time so, I'd decided to start a YouTube channel and start back utilizing these blogs to maybe generate an income. It was then I was charged with telling my testimony to the public.
I'd thought I'd use one blog to help me keep track of new/current events while telling of the old ones on another. Which let me tell ya none of this has been easy. In more ways than one has it caused large amounts of stress trying to relive it all. And at the same time it's been helping me to grow spiritually (what a paradigm).
A few things about me:
It was by this fruit I learned who I was in spirit and in truth. So. here I am, ready to point out many truths concerning my life path that showed me I wasn't living upright and righteously. Because of these truth's I'm going to use the scriptures to also point out how my testimony fulfills these scriptures in hopes that someone may learn what not to do in their walk.
A few things about me:
- At 14 I met satan on four different occasions. At 17 I ran into a book titled Divine Revelation of hell written by Mary Baxter that told of everything I'd learned by meeting this dark entity who I've come to know is satan. The first page I'd opened to in the book that day to described satan to the exact manner in which I did a few years prior. It blew my mind that she seen him the same way I did and explained him the same way too. I read that book in less then 24 hours.
- At 14 I was forced into an abortion
- At 17 I had my first child.
- By 19 I had my second child.
- By 23 I was baptized and met the Messiah. Ten years later a book was written called Heaven is for real, and the story that little Colton Burpo told hit me like a lightening bolt. To my surprise he described the Messiah the same way I did; down to a T. Just like Mary Baxter had done with Satan. In the back of that book was a tribute to a little girl (whose not so little anymore) named Akiane Kramrik who painted Prince of peace at the age of 8. I looked that up and you don't have to believe me but this is who I was with the night I was redeemed. They also compared that painting to the shroud of turin and said it was 98% accurate.
- I'm a bastard child conceived in sin.
The fruit of the spirit is long suffering, meekness, love, joy, peace, gentleness, meekness, goodness, and faith.
It was by this fruit I learned who I was in spirit and in truth. So. here I am, ready to point out many truths concerning my life path that showed me I wasn't living upright and righteously. Because of these truth's I'm going to use the scriptures to also point out how my testimony fulfills these scriptures in hopes that someone may learn what not to do in their walk.
This is a story, and a good book, that will have many errors cause I'm human and have never been the greatest at writing (although, some people have said different).
Pointing out others wrongs is something we're all good at doing. But, how many of us can say we're good at pointing out our own faults? It may not be hard to do when it's just you pointing them out to yourself. But, sharing them with the world wouldn't be so easy (trust me this craps pretty hard to say the least). At least that's what I've come to learn. Aiming to perfect my faith in Christ I've asked for the condition of my heart to be revealed to me. In doing so, I was face to face with some really hard truths to comprehend, and deal with, that left me scared and in danger of going into the pits of hell, and let's just say, that since meeting Satan at 14 I knew I didn't want to experience outer darkness where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth and neither do you...
As a "targeted individual" there's been a world of unknowns revealed to me concerning criminal operations seamlessly integrated into everyday life that involve high level people from every city, town, and state in the U.S. Gratefully, I'm alive to share them, and in hopes, enlighten the eyes of many to bring them to repentance as these agencies have all somehow played a role in my targeting. From doctors, first responder's, the (in)justice system, people who posed as friends, and even my family has turned on me for the love of money.
As a "targeted individual" there's been a world of unknowns revealed to me concerning criminal operations seamlessly integrated into everyday life that involve high level people from every city, town, and state in the U.S. Gratefully, I'm alive to share them, and in hopes, enlighten the eyes of many to bring them to repentance as these agencies have all somehow played a role in my targeting. From doctors, first responder's, the (in)justice system, people who posed as friends, and even my family has turned on me for the love of money.
Because I didn't understand the scriptures as I do today I'd gotten a lot of things wrong in my walk. The first one truth that kept me confused and bound by the world was my choice in friends. My friends (or who I once called my friends) were from all walks of life. City workers, construction operators, mothers holding two jobs, social workers, real estate, and even a couple semi-famous people, and in the end of bad decision making days (I finally realized) some were straight street thugs. But, they were hard working, took care of their families, and was only doing what they had to do to provide for theirs. Now if I describe them, I'd have to say all of my friends were under the control of the Prince of the power of the air, and they were by definition children of disobedience from the best to the worst of them. These people I'd been hanging out with all differed in their belief system. Some didn't believe in a "white Jesus", others just didn't believe anything the bible said cause they claim "man wrote that book", a few believed but they didn't practice righteousness, others believed in Budha, Islam, and witchcraft, and then there was those that did believe, and practice righteousness, that snubbed me as if they were better. All these people influenced me in one way or another to look into other religions and it all boiled down to the truth of their being only one way to the Father and that's through Jesus Christ (just as the scriptures say).
John 14:66 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.
Getting into the details:
Here's a quote to put my confusion into perspective: "Birds of a feather flock together". When it came a point of self searching I'd really had to ponder this thought; If I'm hanging out with people who don't believe in the messianic message how can I be following it? They also say, "You are what you eat." So, if this be true then by definition my hanging with people who laugh and mock God or say things like God **** then I'm taking in mockery, scoffing, and antichrist principles, not God fearing principles like love thy neighbor, as I should.
Here's a quote to put my confusion into perspective: "Birds of a feather flock together". When it came a point of self searching I'd really had to ponder this thought; If I'm hanging out with people who don't believe in the messianic message how can I be following it? They also say, "You are what you eat." So, if this be true then by definition my hanging with people who laugh and mock God or say things like God **** then I'm taking in mockery, scoffing, and antichrist principles, not God fearing principles like love thy neighbor, as I should.
Oh! I thought...
How could I be fooling myself? Now, at one point in time I didn't think like this, and even at this point, had not yet considered what the scriptures said when it came to who I was surrounding myself with.
At one time, I believed the scriptures where they say we should be the light and salt of the world meant that we shouldn't worry who we hang out with so long as we were living right. These people who had no faith needed people to love them, and we need not judge them on our own, that was up to God. So, it was my understanding that they would see how God was good to me and they would eventually turn their life over to him. Boy, I couldn't have been more wrong.
At one time, I believed the scriptures where they say we should be the light and salt of the world meant that we shouldn't worry who we hang out with so long as we were living right. These people who had no faith needed people to love them, and we need not judge them on our own, that was up to God. So, it was my understanding that they would see how God was good to me and they would eventually turn their life over to him. Boy, I couldn't have been more wrong.
Scripture says:
I'd learned that scripture to mean; Don't marry anyone who doesn't believe. Now I know that there are many who do believe (the devils know that he is real) and don't live the godly life the bible tells us to live. In some cases new believers are just learning. Yet, people who have been of the faith for many years should be more zealous to live according to the scriptures. These days I don't want to be around anyone who doesn't believe the written word of God and try to follow it. I mean, I go after those who don't believe and share my testimony however, I don't need to hang out/dine with such. Although, I'm by far anyone who is perfect, there's nothing worse than being around people who can't edify my master.
I'd learned that the desire to want and pull people along the path I was on was just as sinful as them not desiring the truth. Some people are destined for hell, and some are destined for eternal life, it's not up to me to decide that fate. So, why force it? After coming to terms with my ignorance I changed my surroundings and found it easier to maintain a relationship with the Most High.
2 Corinthians 6:14 - Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
I'd learned that scripture to mean; Don't marry anyone who doesn't believe. Now I know that there are many who do believe (the devils know that he is real) and don't live the godly life the bible tells us to live. In some cases new believers are just learning. Yet, people who have been of the faith for many years should be more zealous to live according to the scriptures. These days I don't want to be around anyone who doesn't believe the written word of God and try to follow it. I mean, I go after those who don't believe and share my testimony however, I don't need to hang out/dine with such. Although, I'm by far anyone who is perfect, there's nothing worse than being around people who can't edify my master.
I'd learned that the desire to want and pull people along the path I was on was just as sinful as them not desiring the truth. Some people are destined for hell, and some are destined for eternal life, it's not up to me to decide that fate. So, why force it? After coming to terms with my ignorance I changed my surroundings and found it easier to maintain a relationship with the Most High.
From my perspective, these people I once called a friend aren't in the same spiritual mindset as me by choice; not by force. As I would talk about God they would mock him, or say that my beliefs are wrong, and always resorted in calling me "crazy". It came a point where I seen this unhealthy connection to people that enjoyed degrading me and I'd (after growing weary) decided to cut those ties. Doing so has made a world of difference.
In 42 years I've been called many things but, Holy isn't one, and yet, that's what I'm striving to be. I have however been called crazy, considered a radical, and so much more. As I said earlier, even my mother called me whores from when I was young and told me I wouldn't ever amount to shit. Looking back, I can see how this caused me to think unhealthy relationships were ok (cause they were so "normal"). It's screwed up how I never met anyone like myself who would've put me in my place. Likely people wanted to but, didn't have the balls cause how I came across to them. A few over time told me they were afraid of me. That kinda hit me hard. But, as gifted as I was, I didn't think that I could be so gifted and possibly deceived. When your own worse enemy is you these little "fouls" aren't so little and they happen all the time across the board in every given situation.
In 42 years I've been called many things but, Holy isn't one, and yet, that's what I'm striving to be. I have however been called crazy, considered a radical, and so much more. As I said earlier, even my mother called me whores from when I was young and told me I wouldn't ever amount to shit. Looking back, I can see how this caused me to think unhealthy relationships were ok (cause they were so "normal"). It's screwed up how I never met anyone like myself who would've put me in my place. Likely people wanted to but, didn't have the balls cause how I came across to them. A few over time told me they were afraid of me. That kinda hit me hard. But, as gifted as I was, I didn't think that I could be so gifted and possibly deceived. When your own worse enemy is you these little "fouls" aren't so little and they happen all the time across the board in every given situation.
I would know best (yeah right)!
I've always been my own worse enemy. There was a time I heard the Holy Spirit ask me how come I can't be my own best friend?
To be continued...
To be continued...
Proverbs 22:6 6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
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who told you God wasn't real?
