Friday, October 12, 2018
Truth will always prove itself out, and no matter how crazy a story sounds, if it is true it will stand alone, unique in it's form, and accomplish the job it was created for. John 8:32 Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
.... Continued From: My Dime the Good you bad you #1
As I stated in the end of my last post. I'm my own worse enemy and I believe I was taught how to be this way from childhood.
I've always thought my enemies were other people and that I just got the shit end of the stick. Now I know how wrong I was. I'm praying as I write this out to make clear how broken people break people, lose their identity, and even destroy everything good to them. There was a scripture at the end of that post pertaining to raising a child up in the way they should go and they won't depart from it. The decision to use that scripture as a starting point for today's writing is complex and not easily explained in a few words. In fact, because of who I am, I must share more of my story before I can expound on it. Throughout the next few posts I hope to make very clear how this pertains to my life and where I'm at at this point.
Recall I mentioned losing my virginity? Well. after having lost my virginity on the basis that my mother thought I was a whore, and I felt like why not, it's clear now that I was really damaged as a teenager. Just prior to me losing my virginity our family went on the usual family trip to my grandmothers in Philadelphia. One night I'd fallen asleep in my brothers bed. He was out partying somewhere, and well I don't know why I fell asleep there but, what I woke up to I didn't believe would happen. I wake up to him in my pants playing with me. I was confused, scared, and freaked the hell out. So, I moved and it moved him to stop. I got up, went to the bathroom, and was sick as all get out, freaking out crying in a total state of shock. My own blood brother just assaulted me sexually and I really didn't have anyone I could tell. In my house growing up you couldn't tell how you felt about stuff without feeling bad for being you. So I kept it to myself and just stayed a distance away from him.
Over the course of the next few months to a year I started to rebel against everything. I hated my home life. I hated my family. The people at school was always cruel to me for no reason other than I was hispanic and they were racist whites. It was a confusing time and very lonely. One day I decided that I wanted to run away because my step father would go nuts on me for the phone ringing after 10 pm.
Recall I mentioned losing my virginity? Well. after having lost my virginity on the basis that my mother thought I was a whore, and I felt like why not, it's clear now that I was really damaged as a teenager. Just prior to me losing my virginity our family went on the usual family trip to my grandmothers in Philadelphia. One night I'd fallen asleep in my brothers bed. He was out partying somewhere, and well I don't know why I fell asleep there but, what I woke up to I didn't believe would happen. I wake up to him in my pants playing with me. I was confused, scared, and freaked the hell out. So, I moved and it moved him to stop. I got up, went to the bathroom, and was sick as all get out, freaking out crying in a total state of shock. My own blood brother just assaulted me sexually and I really didn't have anyone I could tell. In my house growing up you couldn't tell how you felt about stuff without feeling bad for being you. So I kept it to myself and just stayed a distance away from him.
Over the course of the next few months to a year I started to rebel against everything. I hated my home life. I hated my family. The people at school was always cruel to me for no reason other than I was hispanic and they were racist whites. It was a confusing time and very lonely. One day I decided that I wanted to run away because my step father would go nuts on me for the phone ringing after 10 pm.
How was I to control what other people did? I'd told them to not do it. But, they did anyways, and it caused me problems in the home. So, I started running away. I would sleep in people's tree houses, in houses they owned but didn't stay in full time, and at anyone house that would harbor a runaway. I still was going to school but, they never found me there. My mother when she finally found me, one time, asked me something that made me say what happened with my brother. Still, that never changed anything. Matter of fact, I believe my mother hated me even more after that. After running away so much I was thrown onto house arrest and had to do video check-ins with the city of Muncie.
I'd been asking her to let me live with my Father for quite a long time prior. He was different. Much more calm and level headed than she was. And there was no abuse that I would have to endure. As I mentioned before my mother was very abusive. She would tell me that I was never going to be shit, how no-one ever wanted me, and that I would never be loved. But, I still loved her. I always hear there's nothing like a mothers love, and I think to myself, not in my situation. The love was toxic and could kill you if you did anything that wasn't under her control. Yet, the relationship affected me well into my late 30's. Eventually leading to a complete break down and loss of identity.
I'm getting ahead of myself though.
I assume because this is my life story, and I'm sharing this publicly. I want it to be something worth reading. But, I can't seem to do nothing more than cringe and feel as if I want to crawl out of my own skin recalling these memories as I write them down. Plus, I'm not a superstar or anyone who even has some sort of influence in this world to get people even remotely interested in reading my story. To write down this sort of personal stuff for the world to look at is just the hardest crap I've ever had to do.
Let me skip off into a point in life when I was much older.
At one point, I was helping a gentleman who owned an old house he no longer wanted to deal with, that needed repairs. So he gave it to me for payment of labor. The work needed was a lot, and I did as much as I could during the summer months, unfortunately, winter was rolling around pretty fast and I didn't have what was needed to get the roof repaired in time. So I contacted my uncle and he invited me to stay with him and my father up in Illinois. He'd said he would help me repair the house the following summer. Relieved, I said yes with no hesitation, and soon I was living with the two of them. The peace of mind for the first time in years was awesome. But, the pain in my body was increasing, and with no medical help I'd gotten into my uncles over flow of pills to help me. And I told him I did so. He wasn't angry just disappointed and asked me to ask first. In which I agreed.
I'd tried selling soap again to save some money up for the repairs that would need done on the home. But, things weren't going as planned. A few times I came home and noticed that things were not in the same place as when I left them. But, I chalked that up thinking maybe I'm wrong, and being paranoid, as this had happened many times in previous years on my own. Also, during this time, another issue that arose stemmed from me awakening in the most horrific pain. I'd had cuts and bruises all over me; defensive wounds. And I felt like I'd been drugged. But, I couldn't remember anything except for a bright light having shined into my room the night before that put me to sleep. About a week into the pain I visited the emergency room and they claimed it was a minor strain. I used to work out six days a week sometimes seven and have been in many fights too. This wasn't "minor" by any means with the level of pain I was in. Something was wrong with this situation. And now I know without a shadow of a doubt what that was. Before I get into that. Let me finish on the topics already brought up.
During this time, I got scared and asked God, where can I go? As they had already cut my brake lines, tried to shoot me, and now I felt they had kidnapped me somehow. Well, right about this time, I was looking heavily into government programs like MK Ultra, operation paperclip, operation mocking bird, and so on. I ended up with a cut brake-line just after finding out that S a n d y H o o k was a faked event. I eventually quit going out to sell any soap, and I'd met someone who was a restaurant owner who'd offered me a trip to Chicago for a small outing. I agreed. That day I was paying attention to who may be following me and there was in fact people following me (and it wasn't just one car it was multiple cars). If anything looked out of the ordinary these people did. I told the guy I was with. "I think people are following us." And I pointed them out. He was a retired Navy man and as his interests were peaked. He drove around close to one vehicle and the lady in the vehicle had to hide her face. He said, "she sure acts like she doesn't want to be seen". I felt a fear in me grow that I couldn't expound on until recently and I'd not yet learned all that I know today.
Since, I'd been injured in my sleep, I knew that I couldn't tell anyone in the family because they wouldn't believe me! I'd been through this multiple times and with other family members. It was one of the sole reasons I'd not had a stable and better foundation. I'd made a good living in times past. Needless to say, I felt guilty for getting into my uncles overflow of pills without asking him. So I went to him and confessed (as I mentioned) and he had forgiven me. Just told me that if I needed help to ask him. Well, hell... I could promise our house was bugged cause within days I heard my uncle tell my Father that I took the last of his pills! And I'm here to tell you this was not the case! (I've been telling everything else why would I hold this back if I'd done it?) I didn't know what to say towards that either. No-one would believe it wasn't me. I never told them about the changed belongings when I was gone and came back. I never told them about being followed or the prior attempts on my life. None of these instances ever came out of my mouth. I always felt that it was best to keep all these scenario's to myself. (how stupid I was)
So...I confessed again. Told my Uncle that he was right I took those too. But, this was a lie and I knew that I needed to find another place to stay where I could be safe! (I've still not told them I didn't take those pills.)
After all I had been kidnapped and brought back without anyone noticing (and I was on the second floor at that). It was very clear that the very people who tried taking my life in December of 2013, then in March, and April of 2014, and (at this time) in 2015 was the same and still very heavily actively seeking to take my life.
Many questions were present that I had no answer to; as I do now.
Such as:
Who has the money to follow me place to place?
Who has the connections to keep people doing these deeds?
Who could influence my doctors and also break into my home kidnap me and bring me back?
Who touched me in my house one day years prior that I heard say "Boo" and could not see?
I was clueless... But, that's no longer the case. Before I get to that let me get back to this situation regarding "friends". Because of this situation at Dad's I'd asked God "who will protect me and where should I go?" This ultimately was my tipping point into learning that the only person I ever needed was God.
I heard, "Tyson" so I trusted that he would keep me safe (little did I know it was a lying spirit). Thing was he had a criminal history and I went and told him what I'd known about a half a million dollar hit being placed on my head. Soon after, I began to notice things that weren't right. Hearing conversations that told me he had turned on me. But, I had nowhere to run or hide. So, I was praying this wasn't the truth. Every time I'd would point out whenever he was doing crap that mimicked the "arts of betrayal and deceit" to him. (These demonic creeps have a knack for narcissistic ways). He would say I misunderstood them and his actions. We had known one another for 23 years and for the sake of wanting to believe he wouldn't do (what I knew him to be doing) I'd end up essentially "buying the lies". Even turning these lies back onto myself as if it was really my fault they were being deceptive. This victim mentality is a tool of the devils. One he has used on me since my childhood to control my life and my responses to paramount situations. I've since overcome this by the Grace and Mercy of the Almighty God of Israel (and I will expound on that more later).
The deception he was using against me is also the tool we see being used by those who are in positions of power. This is something I'd found out through encounters that would've ended in me losing my life. If it hadn't of been for the spirit of the Lord-the Holy Spirit- stepping in. I'd be dead long ago.
Group's of people are employed in every state across the country--no-- It's all over the world. My experience however is with these groups here in America to run rogue operations. Operations that are led an directed by our very own government officials. These are kept under lock and key, described as national security endeavors, and are ran by alphabet agencies. All alphabet agencies are protected by the upper echelon in every town, city, state/country your in. Many who are employed by them will say I'm crazy, and everything I expound on is a lie but, that's cause they're liars, not me. They may even go as far as saying something about the grammar and punctuation to discredit me. Because this is what they do. They monitor me and "fix" (which is change my writings to make me look illiterate) follow and stalk me and get paid big big money to do so too. I know this cause of the few people I used to believe were friends that turned on me. Including my own family. Just saying, don't be so quick to listen to them. Or judge me for something so petty. Judge for yourself if these words written are truthful or not. Not by grammar, punctuation, and verbiage. But by the Holy Spirit (that is if he lives in you).
Anyhow.
This guy I just mentioned. His name is Tyson Tabb and he was someone I was confident to trust in. Because, as I briefly touched on already, of a false word I'd heard out of a counterfeit spirit. A word initially thought to be given by God Most High but, ended up finding out by experience. It was my enemy. We'd known one another for 23 years- and in times past- were lovers. I'd needed and wanted badly someone to trust in, confide in, and know I was safe with. As many attempts on my life had plagued my reality. At one point- just before asking God who I could trust- there was enough clarity to assume I needed very strong ties to remain safe in the free world. This targeting is rooted heavily into the infrastructure of our society, funded by some really wealthy people, and almost invisible to the public (although much of what I endured took place in very public places). And I still yet could not explain in as much detail as I can nowadays what was really going on. Not even sure I'd searched out the many things that could go wrong at the time of making this choice to trust him with my life. Yet automatically found it safe to assume that "God" wouldn't mislead me. As, again, I felt it was God Most High who told me I could trust him, and he'd keep me safe, which ended up being the farthest from the truth. And the sole reason why I understand better the importance of keeping my eyes on Jesus not wavering in my faith.
There is this truth of how governments across the earth are targeting their very own citizens- with mass surveillance measures like Stasi Germany did many moons ago. Yet, with a more refined and fully error free functioning system that pretty much goes unnoticed by society as a whole. This system is used by all levels of government, corporations, and your more than average criminal to achieve Machiavellian goals. People involved in this sort of arrangement vary from your average Joe-that most likely belong to a neighborhood watch or union- to those who are standing behind these desks in Congress, are over our digital / printing press, are uniformed officers/ in film. It's become very clear, and fully evident, that these people know they're actively participating in covert deeds that end in people getting hurt/killed. We know this because they receive payments for doing so. And I myself have witnessed it with my very own eyes how they operate. Making clear what scripture means when it says; the love of money is the root to all evil.
It may not be something easily picked up on. However it's very evident just in the overall scope of things! We've just been trained to believe it's something different than what I'm telling you it is.
We are surrounded by this paradigm. I unfortunately, when the targeting got worse, was already a very damaged person. I'd been living good. Making an income at the level
Just look at what's happening with democrats/republican corruption. The stuff that's been unfolding for the last few years 2016-2019. Think about all of the actions and compound them into an overall picture. And you can see they're doing nothing about many issues such as weather modification, child trafficking, and even the murder / punishment of people like Edward Snowden / Julian Assange who simply desire to get the truth out. These shenanigans have done nothing more than cost taxpayers millions of dollars, cause narratives that never come to a morally ethical conclusion, and always end up resurfacing with another name and face as if regurgitated by a propaganda machine.
I'd been asking her to let me live with my Father for quite a long time prior. He was different. Much more calm and level headed than she was. And there was no abuse that I would have to endure. As I mentioned before my mother was very abusive. She would tell me that I was never going to be shit, how no-one ever wanted me, and that I would never be loved. But, I still loved her. I always hear there's nothing like a mothers love, and I think to myself, not in my situation. The love was toxic and could kill you if you did anything that wasn't under her control. Yet, the relationship affected me well into my late 30's. Eventually leading to a complete break down and loss of identity.
I'm getting ahead of myself though.
I assume because this is my life story, and I'm sharing this publicly. I want it to be something worth reading. But, I can't seem to do nothing more than cringe and feel as if I want to crawl out of my own skin recalling these memories as I write them down. Plus, I'm not a superstar or anyone who even has some sort of influence in this world to get people even remotely interested in reading my story. To write down this sort of personal stuff for the world to look at is just the hardest crap I've ever had to do.
Let me skip off into a point in life when I was much older.
At one point, I was helping a gentleman who owned an old house he no longer wanted to deal with, that needed repairs. So he gave it to me for payment of labor. The work needed was a lot, and I did as much as I could during the summer months, unfortunately, winter was rolling around pretty fast and I didn't have what was needed to get the roof repaired in time. So I contacted my uncle and he invited me to stay with him and my father up in Illinois. He'd said he would help me repair the house the following summer. Relieved, I said yes with no hesitation, and soon I was living with the two of them. The peace of mind for the first time in years was awesome. But, the pain in my body was increasing, and with no medical help I'd gotten into my uncles over flow of pills to help me. And I told him I did so. He wasn't angry just disappointed and asked me to ask first. In which I agreed.
I'd tried selling soap again to save some money up for the repairs that would need done on the home. But, things weren't going as planned. A few times I came home and noticed that things were not in the same place as when I left them. But, I chalked that up thinking maybe I'm wrong, and being paranoid, as this had happened many times in previous years on my own. Also, during this time, another issue that arose stemmed from me awakening in the most horrific pain. I'd had cuts and bruises all over me; defensive wounds. And I felt like I'd been drugged. But, I couldn't remember anything except for a bright light having shined into my room the night before that put me to sleep. About a week into the pain I visited the emergency room and they claimed it was a minor strain. I used to work out six days a week sometimes seven and have been in many fights too. This wasn't "minor" by any means with the level of pain I was in. Something was wrong with this situation. And now I know without a shadow of a doubt what that was. Before I get into that. Let me finish on the topics already brought up.
During this time, I got scared and asked God, where can I go? As they had already cut my brake lines, tried to shoot me, and now I felt they had kidnapped me somehow. Well, right about this time, I was looking heavily into government programs like MK Ultra, operation paperclip, operation mocking bird, and so on. I ended up with a cut brake-line just after finding out that S a n d y H o o k was a faked event. I eventually quit going out to sell any soap, and I'd met someone who was a restaurant owner who'd offered me a trip to Chicago for a small outing. I agreed. That day I was paying attention to who may be following me and there was in fact people following me (and it wasn't just one car it was multiple cars). If anything looked out of the ordinary these people did. I told the guy I was with. "I think people are following us." And I pointed them out. He was a retired Navy man and as his interests were peaked. He drove around close to one vehicle and the lady in the vehicle had to hide her face. He said, "she sure acts like she doesn't want to be seen". I felt a fear in me grow that I couldn't expound on until recently and I'd not yet learned all that I know today.
Since, I'd been injured in my sleep, I knew that I couldn't tell anyone in the family because they wouldn't believe me! I'd been through this multiple times and with other family members. It was one of the sole reasons I'd not had a stable and better foundation. I'd made a good living in times past. Needless to say, I felt guilty for getting into my uncles overflow of pills without asking him. So I went to him and confessed (as I mentioned) and he had forgiven me. Just told me that if I needed help to ask him. Well, hell... I could promise our house was bugged cause within days I heard my uncle tell my Father that I took the last of his pills! And I'm here to tell you this was not the case! (I've been telling everything else why would I hold this back if I'd done it?) I didn't know what to say towards that either. No-one would believe it wasn't me. I never told them about the changed belongings when I was gone and came back. I never told them about being followed or the prior attempts on my life. None of these instances ever came out of my mouth. I always felt that it was best to keep all these scenario's to myself. (how stupid I was)
So...I confessed again. Told my Uncle that he was right I took those too. But, this was a lie and I knew that I needed to find another place to stay where I could be safe! (I've still not told them I didn't take those pills.)
After all I had been kidnapped and brought back without anyone noticing (and I was on the second floor at that). It was very clear that the very people who tried taking my life in December of 2013, then in March, and April of 2014, and (at this time) in 2015 was the same and still very heavily actively seeking to take my life.
Many questions were present that I had no answer to; as I do now.
Such as:
Who has the money to follow me place to place?
Who has the connections to keep people doing these deeds?
Who could influence my doctors and also break into my home kidnap me and bring me back?
Who touched me in my house one day years prior that I heard say "Boo" and could not see?
I was clueless... But, that's no longer the case. Before I get to that let me get back to this situation regarding "friends". Because of this situation at Dad's I'd asked God "who will protect me and where should I go?" This ultimately was my tipping point into learning that the only person I ever needed was God.
I heard, "Tyson" so I trusted that he would keep me safe (little did I know it was a lying spirit). Thing was he had a criminal history and I went and told him what I'd known about a half a million dollar hit being placed on my head. Soon after, I began to notice things that weren't right. Hearing conversations that told me he had turned on me. But, I had nowhere to run or hide. So, I was praying this wasn't the truth. Every time I'd would point out whenever he was doing crap that mimicked the "arts of betrayal and deceit" to him. (These demonic creeps have a knack for narcissistic ways). He would say I misunderstood them and his actions. We had known one another for 23 years and for the sake of wanting to believe he wouldn't do (what I knew him to be doing) I'd end up essentially "buying the lies". Even turning these lies back onto myself as if it was really my fault they were being deceptive. This victim mentality is a tool of the devils. One he has used on me since my childhood to control my life and my responses to paramount situations. I've since overcome this by the Grace and Mercy of the Almighty God of Israel (and I will expound on that more later).
The deception he was using against me is also the tool we see being used by those who are in positions of power. This is something I'd found out through encounters that would've ended in me losing my life. If it hadn't of been for the spirit of the Lord-the Holy Spirit- stepping in. I'd be dead long ago.
Group's of people are employed in every state across the country--no-- It's all over the world. My experience however is with these groups here in America to run rogue operations. Operations that are led an directed by our very own government officials. These are kept under lock and key, described as national security endeavors, and are ran by alphabet agencies. All alphabet agencies are protected by the upper echelon in every town, city, state/country your in. Many who are employed by them will say I'm crazy, and everything I expound on is a lie but, that's cause they're liars, not me. They may even go as far as saying something about the grammar and punctuation to discredit me. Because this is what they do. They monitor me and "fix" (which is change my writings to make me look illiterate) follow and stalk me and get paid big big money to do so too. I know this cause of the few people I used to believe were friends that turned on me. Including my own family. Just saying, don't be so quick to listen to them. Or judge me for something so petty. Judge for yourself if these words written are truthful or not. Not by grammar, punctuation, and verbiage. But by the Holy Spirit (that is if he lives in you).
Anyhow.
This guy I just mentioned. His name is Tyson Tabb and he was someone I was confident to trust in. Because, as I briefly touched on already, of a false word I'd heard out of a counterfeit spirit. A word initially thought to be given by God Most High but, ended up finding out by experience. It was my enemy. We'd known one another for 23 years- and in times past- were lovers. I'd needed and wanted badly someone to trust in, confide in, and know I was safe with. As many attempts on my life had plagued my reality. At one point- just before asking God who I could trust- there was enough clarity to assume I needed very strong ties to remain safe in the free world. This targeting is rooted heavily into the infrastructure of our society, funded by some really wealthy people, and almost invisible to the public (although much of what I endured took place in very public places). And I still yet could not explain in as much detail as I can nowadays what was really going on. Not even sure I'd searched out the many things that could go wrong at the time of making this choice to trust him with my life. Yet automatically found it safe to assume that "God" wouldn't mislead me. As, again, I felt it was God Most High who told me I could trust him, and he'd keep me safe, which ended up being the farthest from the truth. And the sole reason why I understand better the importance of keeping my eyes on Jesus not wavering in my faith.
It may not be something easily picked up on. However it's very evident just in the overall scope of things! We've just been trained to believe it's something different than what I'm telling you it is.
We are surrounded by this paradigm. I unfortunately, when the targeting got worse, was already a very damaged person. I'd been living good. Making an income at the level
Just look at what's happening with democrats/republican corruption. The stuff that's been unfolding for the last few years 2016-2019. Think about all of the actions and compound them into an overall picture. And you can see they're doing nothing about many issues such as weather modification, child trafficking, and even the murder / punishment of people like Edward Snowden / Julian Assange who simply desire to get the truth out. These shenanigans have done nothing more than cost taxpayers millions of dollars, cause narratives that never come to a morally ethical conclusion, and always end up resurfacing with another name and face as if regurgitated by a propaganda machine.
You see "they" don't care about us. Oddly this is something even Michael Jackson brought to light before his untimely murder in his song They don't care about us! And this is also something I expound on in various other writings. I touched on it here to say this... Its these people in upper echelons of our society that are directing the path's of the average Joe-by means of mind control-and causing many to be led like sheep to the slaughter. Because they have no clue the scope of the picture. If you find this hard to believe. Look into what government means-which is to control the mind-and you can see this peril exists in name alone.
You see I learned all of this (and more) through the targeting I've endured since childhood. And this knowledge led me to understanding the peril's we face are far more paramount than anyone man/woman could even imagine. And it all points to spiritual wars spoken of in scripture.
Let me explain myself in greater detail.
There are those who knowingly and willingly operate to silence people, cause untimely deaths, use as guinea pigs in "secretive" experiments, and so many other sick (demonic) related activities like murder. As this was (and has been for many years) the case with me. And this isn't a secret either. Heck, I've even called and reported it to the FBI. And was called back by a female that left a message. Upon calling the number back. I was told the FBI couldn't do anything about people fraudulently posing as an agent. No one knew I'd called these people. So how did they get my number. More over why did they call me posing as an agent? You see there are many people who know about this situation. As I've expounded on it in past times. These maniacal people from all walks of life- who carry out covert deeds- are skilled an operate under a "guise".
This targeting that's managed to steal, steer, and control most of my life choices has shed light on many aspects of this system and the exploitation of it all. It also just so happens to be spoken of in full detail- for what it is in truth- by the Prophet Jonathan Kleck.
In 2010 my targeting grew worse than anyone could ever imagine. And I'd no idea what was going on. There were days when I'd come home from a hard days work, class, or volunteering in the community to find things had been stolen, changed, and even destroyed. Some of these instances many would attribute to being everyday issues. Such as my furnace exploding. Or the water main line breaking. But these things were happening back to back day after day. And month after month for almost a couple of years. The increase in power and water bills for months on end coupled with having to buy new dryers, washers, tires, cars became too much. And I started to crack inside. I'd spent nearly 10 years in an industry that I hated with a passion to care for my family, make it through college, and sustain a viable business. All which I was well on the track of doing. Until these creeps decided to employ covert deeds that later came out in the light.
Many of these things that I can now speak on I couldn't answer at the time. And I still find it hard to expound on them. Reliving moments of confusion, fear, frustration, betrayal, backbiting, gossips that were lies, and losing some that I loved dearly causes me a lot of anxiety. All I knew then is help was badly needed as this was far to overwhelming. And because they were being compounded by unusual things such as stealing, lies, and police harassment. Confusion and frustration set in. Because everyone I called out to-ad for some reason or another- to feel as if I was making these stories up.
And why I didn't make the connections then, that I can now make, is beyond me. All I know is this peril existed.
It is real.
It is honest.
And it is still a driving force in my life today.
In order to understand it all I assume now is the time that I begin to give more details and accurate accounts of various times throughout my life.
Maybe it would be best if I started with when I met Lucifer.
Because this is a blog. And no one is able to read someone's life story in a day. I will continue this post at another time.
Scripture to expound on what I've stated herein:Matthew 7:15-20
15 “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. 16 You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? 17 Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18 A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. 19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 Therefore by their fruits you will know them.
Galations 5:22-23
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law
Good You Bad You #2
1Peter 2:9 But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, his own special people that you may proclaim the praises of him who called you out of darkness into a marvelous light
Continued...
In my closing of The good you and the bad you 1 I addressed a few issues compound with 1 element they all shared (sin). Sin is an element that was inadvertently done all the while I was believing I was saved and living a good life. I'd repented, believed, and even went to church. Was acting as a contributing member of society by volunteering in and around my community, attended college full time (15 credit hours/semester and achieved 72 college credit hours). Managed to be placed on the Deans List even. All while working full time as an Independent Contractor specializing in Marketing/Research, buying and selling of goods, and dancing. Taking care of Mothers doctor visits and what nots from time to time too ... and Oh wait, can't forget, I was a mother to three young children who received no child support either. Let alone any physical support to lighten my load. This still didn't stop me from having days out with my children either or even working out for that matter.
Now, don't take me wrong either, I'm not boasting, but I'm gonna take credit for what I've done. It's only fair. I'm not saying this to impress you/anyone either. In reality I could have done so much more but didn't. So as you can see not only was I busy but, I wasn't busy sowing seeds of discourse or giving people reason to hate me. But Somehow life still seemed as if it wasn't always in my control, and people not only hated me, they were making sure everyone else would too. There is more than enough proof that I have been under mass surveillance (with my right to privacy being taken from me). I don't have solid proof of this but, I am almost certain the UFO sighting as a child had something to do with military and mass surveillance. My reason to feel comfortable sharing this is that of how this mass surveillance stole my life, put it in the hands of men with evil intent, and why this is able to be done with taxpayers money and help!! All the while truth of this system is being hidden behind everything and everyone that's involved. Exposure of such is necessary to show how you yourself are a part of this system. With no idea that you're even being used for such.
What I enjoy focusing on the most is the marvelous way Father revealed himself to me and why he chose me for this job of pointing you to how true the gospels really are. Before this point I'm at now many things happened that enabled me to see and hear The Most High in everything. Just like that monster drink I used to always drink without thought of how I was serving the house of satan. I continued to serve the house of Satan unawares.
Now, after all, I've seen and done. I can't help but think:
Where is my money going?
What am I doing with my time?
Who am I hanging around with?
Is my life glorifying the Lord God?
Am I living like Christ?
These questions are reasonable when you're a Christian or even human for that matter. It's when you don't ask yourself these questions that you should be questioning if you're ok. Cause lets be realistic here, there is something greater in this universe than you or I and if you can't see this, then you are blind as a bat and need a reality check big time. Every country in the world has a belief and they have a similar story to Jesus. They merely distort these truths right in front of our faces. It's been easy for them to do this too because quite frankly they aren't human. They've been around since the beginning of time and they have been hidden from you. Some of you have even been a vessel for them.
I didn't become aware of this until say the beginning of 2014 and didn't want to admit it to myself until recently. (That's how strange my story got) You see one will always have to keep in the back of their mind, when it comes to my story, that my life has been on the line a multitude of times. Once a gentleman was about to choke me out when his buddy said NO!!! NOT YET!! Let my brother get his. You see it was a winter night and I was overly curious as to exactly what was going on around me. As I've said before, curious me always wanted to get to the bottom of everything. Before I left to go to that house, (that I once lived in, @ #1000, a number later very significant to me) I decided I would tell a young girl (whom I've treated like a daughter of mine for many years prior) how I felt something bad was planned for me, but I didn't know for sure, and had to find out. Let her know also that if I didn't come back before a certain time know that I was last at this house I'd once lived in. Which was directly across the street on the crossing street. Little did I know I would be face to face with men who were planning my murder. Before I got there in my mind, I conjured up a story that I'd like to sleep with one of the guys that night, knowing that would be my escape goat. And that's exactly how I got away that night.
You see once I got into the house this feeling crept over me that someone didn't want me to leave. So, I buddied up to the one brother, and acted like I had no clue as to anything suspicious. Also, acting as if my mind was set on a sexual encounter with him. Instead, I was listening to every word that was said with great intensity, and what I was hearing not only infuriated me, it floored me!! They knew everything about me. Literally, everything from court records to people I'd dealt with in the past. It took literally everything out of me not to scream out "HOW DO YOU KNOW ALL OF THIS"...!!!
However, I remained calm even when I began to hear them talk about how bad the weather was and how they would be able to get rid of my body. About an hour after "Barry" was ready to strangle me I asked if "R" would move the bed to ensure no one else could get in the room. He said he would but he didn't budge!! So I knew then. I couldn't bolt out the door. Coming up with another plan. I said, "can I brush my teeth"? He agreed and I asked him to come with. While in the bathroom after having brushed my teeth. I asked if he would allow me to pee alone. The moment he shut the door. I locked it. Opened the bathroom window and jumped out. The snow was just about up to my knees and I had no shoes on but I got my butt to my girls' house in less than a minute.
That night was not only an eye opener for certain things but a doorway to many other unanswered questions. For two weeks I hid out at a friends house. While my mind thought of everything under the sun, and that's when I heard Father speak to me, after such a long time of being silent. He told me it was time for me to go out to California and embark on a journey that would help me find my place doing his will. At the end of the two weeks. My journey landed me in LA. Calvin ultimately did betray me, and although I knew it was coming, I don't believe I'd have been able to face much of what was coming my way had he not confirmed the people who were in the bushes that night.
Once separated from him- because of a feud with a bamboo stick- and the secrecy of who was outside that tent one night (As he was pointing the finger for them to wait) I'd been nervous about any and everything. So I began praying about everything. Ultimately thinking God wasn't hearing me and feeling pretty empty. I walked alone in somewhat of a daze. Trying to understand what exactly was going on around me. As everything had started to take a turn (as I previously mentioned here) I felt as if I was in the twilight zone.
The best way I can explain my mental state to any one of you is by this clip:
You see I've always been inquisitive by nature as well as a rebel. Whenever I was told to do something I was sure to do the opposite. When I was a young girl. I enjoyed manipulating the skin on my hands. Had sewed my entire hand with thread once just to prove that what one doesn't mind doesn't matter. It took the lady down the street to beg me to take it out. I felt bad for her not for me. So, at this stage of my journey, I wasn't sure if I should be feeling bad for myself, question my sanity, or feel bad for others. I stuck with just getting to the bottom of it though. I knew deep in my gut this is how things were supposed to play out. Like Neo who was beginning to see life from different lenses, I felt encouraged by my rebellion but also covered in my faith, to keep moving forward.
One sunny afternoon this young guy comes up to me that I had been seeing around the beach. We began walking and talking as if we had been friends for a long time when he said something to me that changed everything I'd ever come to know into a lie. He said: "it took me awhile to understand what was meant for me. At first, I ran around carelessly saying and doing anything I wanted. It took me going to prison just to learn that the old me couldn't last. So, when I came back, I changed my name. I believe you will have to do the same. The first time I met you. You were stubborn and I tried to warn you to listen to your mother. I cut my tail off after that and I can't wait till you come back as Phoenix...."
At that point I had to cut him short. None of what he just said made sense. When he first met me? What??!!! But, wait he cut his tail off? So, I said...
"Wait a minute here. Did you just say you cut your tail off?"
His response, "Yes, cut my tail off...
I'm not sure what we spoke about for the next 10-20 as we walked along that alley. But, I do recall what I was thinking...
There was a night where, I was out with my kids' father, but before we ever had our children, and we stopped at Village Pantry for some convenience store goods. He went into the store alone and I sat in the car with my window slightly cracked. An older man of color, who was dressed in a nice suit that had to be made in the 50s, came up to the car talking to me about how I should listen to my mother. I had no clue who this man was and I can bet I was rude as usual. He had turned away (to walk away) while I looked down to grab a cigarette, maybe one second passed before I was looking back up, and this man was nowhere in sight!! What made that weird was there was no one else at the store in vehicles so he would have had to walk away. But, from where I was parked I recalled thinking how strange it was for this man to walk up to my vehicle and try to give me a lesson over something he quite possibly couldn't know about me, to turn around and run in a snazzy outfit because there was no way in heck that man could have vanished to nowhere in sight in less than two seconds. It would have taken at least 10 seconds to walk to either end of the building. I thought about this over the years from time to time but with what was just said made that situation that much more real. Because, remember he told me he had met me before and warned me to listen to my mother? But, the guy at the village pantry was much older, both these guys were men of color but NO! it wasn't the same man. I was more than confused. I was totally perplexed and there wasn't much I could do about it at the moment ya know? So, we continued to talk and smoked a bowl and chatted some more, until we came up on his chill spot. The spot was on a slight hill behind a small shed. As we sat there and spoke I could hear something that sounded like chains, and it sounded quite close, but there wasn't anything in sight that would make that noise. So, I began to assess the set-up of this spot. It was about that time I noticed we were sitting on a piece of wood panel that was full length and width you'd purchase out of Lowe's or Menards. The wood was butted up to back of the shed, and came off to me as a way to cover something underneath us, because it appeared dug out in an area where the board had shifted a bit away from shed. This struck me as odd and I began to feel really nervous. He wanted to keep smoking and I didn't want to. At this point, I was not only cool. I felt like I might have been too cool with what we smoked because everything got really weird. I don't recall exactly how I asked the questions but I do recall what the questions were seeking to understand. Which went something like this:
Me: "Is there a whole under this board?"
Him: "yeah a small one"
Me: "Do you hear the noises that sound like chains?"
Him: "yeah, but it's nothing"
At this point, I am looking around the shed seeing if there are more holes in the ground or doors that I can't see, and that's when I had a vision (this is the only time I've had a vision without being asleep).
What I seen were demon men with chains coming out of a tunnel below that building and they were coming for me. Of course, I wasn't going to find out if this vision was real or not, so I looked at him and said "man, I gotta go, right now"... and I took off running...
The next few weeks were interesting to say the least. Everything and anything that could happen happened.
But, before I get to that let me explain something. Anyone who knows me knows I'm not your average character but, I'm not who everyone once knew either, rather someone transformed by the renewing of my spirit through my faith and these experiences.
Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped the evidence for things not seen
Back in say 2011. My mother and I had a spat one day. She said "Carmen, what are you afraid of?" at that time. I don't believe I truly knew the answer. Although I did say I was afraid of failing her... I do know now, in reality, I've only been afraid of me...
Back to Cali and me being me in what I now thought to be the twilight zone (around 2013-2014) Because of my thinking out of the box, I always looked into anything that wasn't transparent, considering it walking by faith and not by sight at this time was not my thoughts then as they are now either. Being a college educated lady who loved family was my basis for most anything. Do what you got to do to make it. But since this had been compromised some time back. What did I have to lose? Let's not forget my meeting with this gentleman, with what to appears to have been for the second time, was just weeks after someone intended to take my life, and I still didn't want to accept who that someone was until recently, when I decided to make my story public. I think it's very important to add that I'm not making this story public to expose people either. I have a very completely different agenda. Because, I know that life here in America is about to change, in a drastic way. We are given a promise and this promise is to be fulfilled real shortly. I can feel in my spirit that we are only seconds away from the coming of the Messiah, to gather the church. It was through these very situations, that you may consider crazy, I found out biblical text is very real and literal.
The Messiah said unto him, If you can believe, all things are possible to him that believeth Mark 9:23
So, now that I've got all my personal thoughts of everything out in regards to this particular situation during this time of my life. Let me go further in detail with what was happening. Because of the incident with Calvin, and the way everyone was asking me how long I'd been in LA (then tell me I was lying essentially) I began to notice how people seemed to be following me around. Now, during the beginning of this, I really wasn't sure if I was ok. You see none of what I was seeing and hearing made sense. It really hadn't even dawned on me that what happened in Muncie, IN would have followed me out to LA. So, I began to question whether or not I had lost my mind. Being that I've always been a socialite I'd inevitably found many different places to hang out. Some people were not at all affected by my presence while others began to seem if it disturbed them.
One day, there was an older gentleman on Venice beach, who liked to make art out of old tires. I would sometimes go and ask him if he would allow me to sleep close because I didn't feel safe. Well, it just so happens there is a guy who dresses up like a tree and sits in the bush right next to where this man slept. One evening the guy comes out of the bush and had scared the heck out of me. I hadn't even noticed he was in the bush. Let me see if I can find a video of him (people love recording stuff in Venice Beach...)
Ok, so it's not the same tree man I seen that day... but, geeze a little trippy right?
This is about how trippy it was seeing this man come out. So, as I sat there talking to this guy asking if I could stay around that night, I realized I should just ask him what was up with everyone asking me when I arrived. I also wanted to know why everyone was acting so strange around me. He didn't say much outside of the fact that people tried to say I was all out on drugs. Knowing this has been said of me for years (even before I ever started using heavy drugs which I DO NOT USE DRUGS AT ALL ANYMORE!!!) I didn't try to go in depth. He just told me I don't believe that about her. Saying, "You just appear to be tired"...
I was on mental overload that night. As with all the other nights. I could never seem to get enough rest because I always felt watched and not so safe. It was somewhere around this time that I'd been thinking about what I was going to do in order to get and keep myself safe. Because, when I was on the beach one day, soon after some girl ran up on me and tried to take my bag, I began fighting her back. As I was winning this fight two men jumped in. Within about a minute the LAPD pulled up on us and they took off running. When asked if I would like to press charges I said no. They replied, "for a small chic you sure had yourself"... I left not understanding why I was being targeted.
I knew better than to go to the beach after this in specific areas. What I did give thought to be the issue was the incident with Calvin. I figured people thought I was a snitch. I thought it might be best if I go back to my sisters house and stay there even if I didn't want to. After a couple nights in her house. I had found a party to go to. Borrowing her coat and a nice piece of jewelry wouldn't have been an issue (as it wasn't ever before) if I hadn't been robbed that next morning before I hopped the bus back to her place. Knowing she would be upset and mad. I decided to pawn a piece of her jewelry and get a hotel room. I would work the kinks out later ((even though I totally hated myself for doing it)). That evening I had went out into Venice and started questioning people about the bag and the items in it. But, the way people behaved with and around me was very disturbing and stressful until this one guy comes and says he would like to help me.
Before you know it he and I are getting lit and I totally tripped out. The head noise I began to experience was insanity. I felt It was time I started trying to get more help. I hooked myself up with a caseworker and moved over into the city over. Where they seemed to help the homeless more. I was willing to work and more... I met some really cool people along the way who had all sorts of different stories. Life started to appear normal again. But, I was led right back into Venice because I wanted to find Calvin and make it very clear. I'd had no involvement with him being arrested and them being busted on the beach.
There was a guy named Dicky, who later told me he felt like he met me because of God, that I would stay with in his truck from time to time... I used him as one of my growing safe havens. He told me I needed to be careful. I took that to heart and insightfully did just that. But, not without always encountering very strange situations. Such as people giving me drugs for free. Why would anyone walk up to a person and say "here, take this." then walk away? Or why did the police remember my name after the incident on the beach? These questions of mine must have been heard by a higher power. Because, one day after I went and had a shower, checked in with a worker, and had breakfast. I made a new friend. We sat and talked about life and other random crap that day. With no expectations of ever meeting again. But....
Soon after, I had left another safe haven I would stay at, freshly showered and mentally drained. Thinking about my situation of no kids to watch after (and I so badly wanted to) and why this all was going on. I had no job, everyone around me was acting weird, and I'm saying I hear Gods voice? It just didn't add up. What was I going to do? How was any of this going to make sense? Am I really hearing Gods voice right? In the midst of all these questions I said how and the heck am I to know where to go, what to do, or anything....?????
I found a dime.... picked it up and kept on moving.
About another block up the street was another homeless man. Who I'd often see that never spoke. I never heard him say two words. That is until this very moment.... He was sitting on a bench on Rose. I was walking up past him. His head was laid back and he appeared to be sleeping. As I crossed his path. His head sprung up and in a demonic voice he said, "GOD IS ALIVE"... and then his head dropped back. ((( I have to chuckle telling this story. You would've had to witness it yourself to understand fully )))
It was like something out of the exorcist... I was pretty stunned to say the least and just kept walking as if nothing happened. Landed at the grocery store just a couple blocks up. Where I met up with the gentleman I had met at the center for the second time. He said: "I wondered when you were going to show up." I had no intent of ever meeting him again. Of course, I'd be surprised when he said this. So, I replied, "what do you mean? We never arranged to meet, or did we, and I'm really losing my mind?"
Him: "No, your not losing your mind and we didn't plan on meeting, the birds told me to wait here."
I'm mentally torn out of my frame at this point. The odds of all this odd crap happening to me, and around me, was mentally draining. But, it had dawned on me in a split second what scripture says:
Ecclesiates 10:20 Do not revile the king even in your thoughts, or curse the rich in your bedroom, because a bird in the sky may carry your words, and a bird on the wing may report what you say.
Me: "The birds told you to wait on me? I need to have a seat. Things keep getting creepier and creepier by the moment."
Him: "Please do, I have something to give you. I found this the other day and God told me I needed to give it to you."
He handed me a stirling silver bracelet with 3 heart charms on it. All of the charms sat on top of one another. One heart was just a frame, the second was a larger heart frame, and the third was a full heart with a place to stick a photo in the center. On the back of it. It had an inscription which read. I know I've told you this many times before but as a forever reminder I will always be with you....
I almost lost it in tears. This was God showing me something. This was God who lead me to that moment. That's where my dime comes in. The dime I always see right when I get to thinking God is not with me...
I'm going to leave the links here to these previous writings....
Please, read them for more on this. I will be taking a break from my story to focus on a couple of other topics. I am needing to expand on. By next week my computer issue will be resolved and I will be able to write more frequently....
https://carmensloved.blogspot.com/2016/03/im-not-perfect-but-gods-will-is.html
https://carmensloved.blogspot.com/2015/11/visions-prt-3.html
https://carmensloved.blogspot.com/2018/02/god-101-in-carmens-world.html
https://carmensloved.blogspot.com/2018/02/a-little-more-about-10-how-i-apply-it.html
Here is a video of a gentleman who was interested in the lives of others as I once was. Which allowed me to stay out in the streets with such ease at first. The video isn't a much watch but can give idea of the situation I placed myself in.
