Note: this is a rough draft and only part of a writing I began over a year ago in 2021. It is now 2022 and I feel such an urgency to get it out. Because of this, I determined it was best to publish the rough draft here (as I can always come back to it and fix the grammar errors and stuff). Anyhow, I'm posting these in sections. Whatever wasn't included in this post will be expounded on in following posts. I will link each aspect of this writing to one another. Over the next few weeks, I will be working to have all the errors and stuff taken care of. In the meantime, I wanted to share it anyways. I'm working on a lot of things these days. With time speeding up, it would would seem as if we are running out of it. So I don't wanna do that. If you are enjoying my testimony or reading just to get the inside scoop on me follow the blog or keep up with my social media posts as new posts will be posted. Also, when I add to a post. I will make that clear in my social media posts. I hope you can stand rough draft writings. There are a lot of grammar errors in here. Anyhow, happy reading.
When I gave my life to Jesus Christ 21 years ago, I didn’t know then what I was getting into. However, I knew it was different from what I’d come to know up to that point at the age of 23. Darkness met me as a fourteen year old child four times in the spirit only to leave me dark inside. Thoughts of hopelessness, despair, unacceptability, and more were just some of the dark issues I dealt with in the midst of my teenage years and up into my young adult life. After I met Satan in the spirit I knew things that others didn’t. Such as hell being a body in the middle of the earth and Satan uses all your worst fears against you to keep you in bondage. But I didn’t have anything to reference at 14. I’d no one to talk to about it openly -without being shamed or ridiculed- and I was scared to sleep for many years to come.
At 17, I encountered Mary Baxter's testimony that she shared in the book called Divine Revelation of Hell and found she also knew of those things I’d learned in the spirit. In fact, she spoke of them the very same way I did! As mind blowing as it was, I didn’t quite yet understand what I’d encountered or come to learn from the encounter. Sadly, I was ashamed or just too scared to talk about it. I’d already been tormented as a kid with rumors that were false having ruined my reputation. I didn’t need more reasons for people to look at me like I was nuts.
So, I held it all in.
Almost nine years after meeting Satan in the spirit something moved in me as I stood in a church pew one Sunday morning. Something I’d never felt before. It was bright. It was full of light. It was so loving. It was absolutely peaceful. Words can’t express how I felt when the spirit of the Holy Lord God moved over me. I cried like a baby. Everytime I think of that moment my eyes swell up with tears. On this night of Aug 6, 2000 -the night I was baptized- (not sure if it was before 12 midnight on Aug 6th or after and therefore on the morning of Aug. 7th -which is my first son's birthday) I met the Messiah. There are no human words that can describe the amount of love, peace, joy, fearlessness, and everything beautiful in this world magnified by 1000. That’s really about the only way I know how to explain my encounter with the Prince of Peace, and even then, it doesn’t quite capture being in HIS presence. Needless to say there was one thing I walked away with that I had to find out for myself. Which was, every word of God is perfect and true. I just knew in my spirit that the word of God was perfect. Just as I knew those things Mary Baxter wrote about in Divine Revelation of hell (prior to reading her book) upon meeting satan in the spirit. It was like I walked away from both experiences knowing more spiritually. Like a computer that gets a download.
A very important lesson I’ve learned since that day you should know first is everything and everyone is written about in biblical text. There’s not a scenario missing. The Kabbalists even know this because they created a Torah code that allows them to find every name of every single living person in that code. They’ve found it’s so precise that they can plug your name into it and there will be a family member's name that intersects with yours. That’s just how precise their coding schemes are. Heck, another interesting fact about the precision of the code happens to be found in the first 49 books YHWH is spelled out, skip two books and you find HWHY, then in the New Testament the name of the Messiah -forward only- Yahushua Hamaschiac is found. The same mind blowing revelation can be seen over and over, page to page, book to book, in biblical text.
So let me give you a little backstory (as embarrassing as it is) it’s imperative in order to paint the picture that will bring to light so many issues among the body of believers.
Aug. 6, 2000, I was dipped in the water.
Went to bed that night thinking “Oh my, Satan is going to come for me. In my sleep. Because I just gave my life to the other side.” How wrong I was. Instead, the Messiah visited me that night. Little did I know it is written in Proverbs 3:24 “When thou liest down, thou shalt not be afraid: yea, thou shalt lie down, and thy sleep shall be sweet”. I’ve never again had another frightening experience with satan like I did all so many times since meeting him at 14 in the spirit.
I was flying with the Messiah when I started to realize I was no longer alone and I was having a dream that was not any usual dream. This was a vision dream (for lack of a better term) I was spiritually awake. Just as I was when I met Satan. When I began to come to my senses, I asked who I was with and just like that we were sitting in the midst of a garden on a bench. We made eye contact. Oh how beautiful his eyes were. They were a blue simply not of this world. He spoke to me and almost immediately I was dropping from the ceiling onto my bedroom floor, wide awake, as if it wasn’t a dream but an absolute reality. I walked to my couch and pondered it all.
Needless to say, I wanted to know more about my experience. But I was afraid of what people would say about me. So just like my experience with Satan I’d kept it all in. I didn’t even tell anyone in the church. Quite frankly, I never felt comfortable doing so.
Let me go back a little further in time. There was a really strange incident that happened to me that took me to that church two weeks prior (when I actually asked to be baptized).
The short story is: I’d two kids at the time. Their dad had lost his arm in a car accident and became abusive. He also roamed the streets all night every night, had random women in my home, and never did anything productive besides getting drunk. I got tired of it. So I left.
Further on down the road I found exotic dancing and began working in a nightclub. Just trying to make ends meet. I knew I wasn’t going to get any money from their dad to support the kids (because he was a drunk who was living life feeling sorry for himself because of losing his arm in a car accident) and I wanted to go to college to form a career in law for myself. I wanted to be the one to provide. Not depend on some man to do it for me. Especially because anyone else wasn’t their dad and I’d simply no desire for a relationship. All I thought about were the goals I set before me. I wanted to change the legacy of the lives of my children. So, I began working often. The money I earned allowed me to spend more time with my children than other mothers my age while still providing for them really well. Working in that place was just a job to me. Nothing more and nothing less.
Up until I met my daughters dad who was simply supposed to be a one night stand. Mind you, I’m not a churchgoer at this time, had no roots in the church, my parents didn’t profess Christ or attend any church, so a one night stand wasn’t anything “bad” to me at the time.
A couple of weeks later signs of being pregnant began to emerge! What happened? We wore protection! When I brought it to him. He told me that he took the liberty of sliding the condom off while we were in the middle of everything -without me knowing. I took the test. Found out I was pregnant. He suggested I have an abortion.
Welp, I’d contemplated it. But my mother forced me to commit murder (have an abortion) at 14 and that baby came to me in my sleep for a few nights in a row for the next three nights after this happened. She told me she was with God and God was going to give her back to me. The night I contemplated this abortion he mentioned she came back to me and said, “God gave me back to you. He won’t do it again.”
I wasn’t nothing but two weeks pregnant. However, I absolutely knew it was true. I was pregnant with a little girl. The same girl I’d been forced to abort by my mother (might I add here the boy's dad would’ve been her dad as well) and 22 years later I can assure you my daughter was given to me twice! Although her biological dad was different... I know this because when she was 3 just turning 4. She looked exactly the same in the flesh as she did in the spirit the night she came to me.
Wow, I just thought about that. I met satan right around the same time I’d had that abortion. How odd?
Anyhow, I’d told the guy (who’s now my ex-husband) what I experienced. He didn’t believe me. He said, “I can’t have girls. I only have boys and I don’t want any more boys”, so I told him to get lost, “I’d manage things somehow on my own.”
During my pregnancy he wasn’t around at all. We had no plans of coming together as a family unit. One night my house caught fire. It so happened I was in the hospital the night it happened. Weeks prior the doctor told me I needed to stop picking my boys up because it was causing some stress on the baby. He also suggested I stopped dancing. So I did. I went back to my boy’s dad and asked him to come up and live with me -just to help me with the boys- and he did. After the fire, the Red Cross helped to relocate us. Soon after, I gave birth to my youngest and the boy's dad went on his way.
In the new house. There was an older lady who was our neighbor. I often caught her looking in my kitchen window. Curious as to why. I went over and talked to her. It was then she invited me to church. I said yes just to be nice and end the conversation.
I’m grateful she made me stick to my word. I’d no intention of going.
In the church that day I felt something powerful come over me. I was crying so hard, feeling guilty for everything and anything I could think about which caused me to ask Christ into my life during the altar call and two weeks later I was baptized. Little did I know that the Deacon and one of the elder ladies were the grandparents to my daughter's dad. Essentially, they were the great grandparents to my daughter. I’d seen them in the church not knowing who they were at the time because I’d never met them before.
When she was around 3 months old. I took her to meet them and that’s when I realized these folks belonged to the church I’d just gotten baptized in! How wild! I took this as a sign to marry him. Plus, I didn’t want to have 3 kids by two different men and not be married. That just didn’t sit right with me. I decided to pursue him to create a family unit.
This set the stage for the next decade of my life. He and I got married (although I heard in the spirit not to marry this man and as we were getting married my daughter began to choke on a dorito and I thought you know this is a sign not to marry him). Eventually we divorced for many reasons. One was infidelity -not sure who did what first- however, I know we both were unfaithful during our relationship. What ultimately made me decide to divorce him was the fact that he couldn’t pay any bills and he treated my boys indifferently. To make matters worse. I was still dancing. Although, the Holy Spirit kept telling me to quit. Oddly, I didn’t know it was the Holy Spirit either. I thought it was just me getting tired of doing it because I knew it didn’t glorify Him. As I said, he treated my boys indifferently and I could see how it was affecting them and that ultimately made me sever the relationship. After leaving him I quit dancing for a period in time and kept pursuing my college education. I was in the church the entire time (for the most part) I mean, I missed Sundays, but ultimately, I pursued my faith.
Like all believers do, I went to church to learn. Looking back the only thing I learned was what precepts of men look like. There may have been a few good attributes I carried with me. But honestly, I can’t say that I ever really learned anything valuable about the commandments of God except for one thing “oh ye little of faith.”
This is quite sad for me to say. There were so many things I wasn’t told by the Baptist Churches' I attended all those years. It took me more than a decade to learn (on my own) about a Holy Spirit baptism. I can’t help but want to write to the church I was baptized in and attended for quite a while to ask. Why didn’t you teach me about the Holy Spirit? Especially because it is written in John “I indeed baptize you with water unto repentance: but he that cometh after me is mightier than I, whose shoes I am not worthy to bear: he shall baptize you with the Holy Ghost, and with fire:”
This should’ve been told to me the very night I was baptized -and if it were a must- at least the following church services, right? After all, I was required to attend “beginners classes” that following week.
So why was it not told to me?
Heck, there’s so much to learn about the Holy Spirit! Every church should make it imperative to learn about the Holy Spirit immediately after asking Christ into your life. After I was baptized I didn’t have any idea what the Holy Spirit meant/did for the body of Christ and HE is the most important aspect by far! If you don’t have the comforter you don’t abide by (or in) the truth. It’s impossible to abide in Christ without the Holy Spirit. But I didn’t know this for more than a decade after my redemption?
WHY?
To top it off there are too many scenarios to list here that made me feel like the church was a hypocritical place where people went to snub others while exalting themselves. If it hadn't been for meeting Christ in the spirit I’d have left the church and never looked back!
Remember I’d said his family was members of the church I was attending?
I can remember being over his grandparents' house. I'd gone to pick up a meal for my ex-husband that his grandmother wanted him to eat from leftover thanksgiving dinner. She began to use racial slurs against me. I was so offended! In fact, when I was around there, they made me feel so unloved and unappreciated. Their holier than thou mentality made me sick. They had a problem with what I wore to church. They had a problem with how I dressed my kids for it too. It was such a smack in the face. Who cares if I put on a pair of jeans and high heels with a nice blouse to go to church? I also worked my tail off to pay 4-500/wk. for a nanny, 200 for his child support, giving him extra spending money to get by while he took classes, and paid every single one of our bills while helping my sick mother out too.
Was this really what Christ wanted from us? James 2:3 And ye have respect to him that weareth the gay clothing and say unto him, Sit thou here in a good place; and say to the poor, stand thou there, or sit here under my footstool. 4 are ye not then partial in yourselves, and are become the judges of evil thoughts?
What’s bad is I didn’t even dress badly. I just chose to be casual and comfy cause that’s who I am. Aren’t we allowed to come to church as we are? According to James 2 verses 3 and 4 the Almighty isn’t looking at how we are dressed. Needless to say, my grandmother in law who is highly regarded in the church wanted me in a dress from the 70s (well that may be a little much but definitely in a dress). Anyhow, I couldn’t shake the facts; here they’re concerned with my attire and attacking my Puerto Rican roots (when they’re freaking African American to top it off) but they didn’t have a problem with their grandson not working, allowing me to pay all his child support for three prior kids, plus his car payments, and all the bills to our place? What kind of nightmare was I living in? Least, that’s how it felt at the time. I’d really struggled to understand. And it made things that much more difficult for me. Even though, I really did try to make things work. It seriously bothered me that my grandmother in law wanted to insult me with racial slurs and attack my choice of apparel!
His mother also chose to say things like “I know it’s hard living with her”, umm… Why?
Was this the godly thing to do? According to the word; NO!
The church never asked how I was able to pay such high amounts in tithes and His grandmother knew I was dancing. She never reproved me scripturally. Instead, they resorted to insults despite all that I was doing. To tear me down? It sure wasn’t good for building me up. Geeze, she’s considered the first lady in the church. How am I supposed to digest all of this? Was this the role I was to model after? If she could insult my race and how my culture did things, how come she couldn’t tell me to get my arse out of the club?
Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not blaming my ignorance on anyone else. However, I am saying. They were members of the same church. How was my lifestyle okay for the church? If my apparel wasn’t good enough, and she could voice that, how come she couldn’t speak up about her grandson not being a provider and me having to strip to make ends meet?
The hypocrisy was so sickening! It turned to anger. I started to become bitter against him. In more ways than one.
I went on a search to find another church. Going from church to church I’ve heard Pastors lusting in the pulpit and been hit on by deacons. The level of insanity in the church was more than apparent.
Needless to say...
Our goal was to get him through college, and then when he found work, I would quit dancing and go to college. That never happened. Instead he dropped out of school two weeks prior to graduation and could never afford to pay 1$ in any bills whatsoever. I danced to continue to pay for everything and enrolled in college, and began pursuing my career choice, still holding down all the financial responsibilities on my own.
It weighed on me heavily.
I wanted out of the industry and desired greatly to get through college to obtain a degree in law. I knew it was never going to happen the way things were going. The straw that broke the camel's back. Came when I found out he was frequenting strip clubs to give away the money I earned dancing in other clubs. Coupled with the fact he didn’t treat my boys right either. Oh, and don’t let me forget the moment my brother hit me in the mouth in front of him and he did absolutely nothing about it! He didn’t say a word.
That was it! It was the straw that broke the camel’s back. The kids deserved to be loved equally and I could do better all by myself. At the very least it eliminated a heck of a lot of financial burden.
Being a young mother of three attending college and being the only financial provider made reading the word as often as I should’ve been a bit difficult. My part time reading sessions consisted of lessons from Sunday school study books handed out in the church.
To top it off. Learning came with its own slew of problems. For instance, when reading the bible, I could only take in a little bit at a time. I was stumped, perplexed, and often too caught up with life to understand its significance. I would read, then ask what it meant, and wait for the answer. Reiteratively, I was depending on the church to share all the beautiful things I’d needed to learn. However, I walked away feeling more confused and always pondering questions that never got answered. I didn’t know there were really Pastors leading their congregations to hell yet either.
It is written in Isaiah 28:1-6 “Woe to the shepherds who destroy and scatter the sheep of my pasture! says the Lord. Therefore, thus says the Lord, the God of Israel, concerning the shepherds who shepherd my people: It is you who have scattered my flock, and have driven them away, and you have not attended to them. So, I will attend to you for your evil doings, says the Lord. Then I myself will gather the remnant of my flock out of all the lands where I have driven them, and I will bring them back to their fold, and they shall be fruitful and multiply. I will raise up shepherds over them who will shepherd them, and they shall not fear any longer, or be dismayed, nor shall any be missing, says the Lord. The days are surely coming, says the Lord, when I will raise up for David a righteous Branch, and he shall reign as king and deal wisely, and shall execute justice and righteousness in the land. In his days Judah will be saved and Israel will live in safety. And this is the name by which he will be called: ‘The Lord is our righteousness.”
I lived it, to learn it, now I see it clearly. More than most churches are leading their congregations straight to the pits of hell and the congregation is too lost to see it. I even know people bound by these concepts who are oblivious to the truth, and when you present it to them, they straight up lose their noodles.
If this weren’t the truth, then why do you suppose it’s written in Mark 7:7 Howbeit in vain do they worship me, teaching for doctrines the commandments of men. Or in Matthew 15:9 They worship Me in vain; they teach as doctrine the precepts of men”. What can you say about Isaiah 29:13? "...these people draw near to me with their mouths, and honour me with their lips, yet have removed their hearts far from me. Moreover, their worship toward me is the doctrines of men."
Does this not say that there are people who say they love the Lord (and are worshipping) but they’re bound by concepts of men? What concepts would you propose they are if it doesn’t have to do with what churches these days are currently teaching?
Check it out. I didn’t see the churches living out any of what the bible said. Nor do I see many of them today. No healings, No supernatural instances, nothing to execute the word like the disciples did. Plus, the people who were highly regarded in the church were doing and saying things that didn’t sit right with me.
Why?
Honestly,
If it weren’t for me taking a journey to learn the word of God apart from the church. I don’t know if I’d have come to learn many things such as: it’s the end of the world, the law of the Lord is love, how to love the Lord thy God above all else, how to break free of strongholds, how to rightly divide the word of truth, and so much more that a believer should know. Let’s say I had. I’m not sure it would’ve been in time to address many of the strongholds I’ve dealt with. Heck, I still have issues I’m trying to address. More than 20 years into my walk and I’ve just learned what my talons are, and I’m trying like heck to double them, do I still have the time?
How would I have learned about the exodus to come (which btw, is set to happen any moment) if I didn’t take this independent road to study the word on my own? The church didn’t teach me how to do that. That desire came directly from my heavenly Father. Anyhow, these are paramount biblical topics. The church was not teaching me anything of the sort when they’re set up to teach congregations. It simply doesn’t make sense unless you understand the word yourself.
To me, this is such a significant time in life. In fact, it’s the most important time in the history of the world. I don’t understand how any church goers could be left out of the loop (but many are). After all, this would be right about the time the church reunites with their King in the New Jerusalem.
I truly believe I wouldn’t be prepared for the coming tribulation, nor would I know what to expect. I definitely wouldn’t know about a rapture. More importantly all of life's major questions such as:
Who am I?
Why am I here?
What is life all about?
Why is this world so cruel?
And many more…
Would’ve never been answered. Because the church wasn’t going in that direction. Point is in all the years I was in the church my knowledge base didn’t come from any conventional learning methods.
Because it took more than a decade to learn biblical truths from the direction the Holy Spirit took me I did a lot of messing up since the day I was baptized. Although I’m rooted in my faith I’ve found myself slipping more than I’d like to admit. To this day I find myself making vital mistakes I shouldn’t be. I was so stuck in the world then and now there’s recent incidents that keep me questioning everything about myself. I’ve got to admit there are plenty of reasons for me to be concerned with my walk.
For the last year, I’ve been in the midst of a peril so great I’ve contemplated just giving up (however I’m not going to). Although, it’s shameful for me to talk about my perils, my salvation means more to me than any man’s thoughts about me. As I said before, it’s written that what is brought out into the light becomes the light, and I hope in just that. I don’t like the darkness, and neither should any professing believer. Honestly folks, I’m leaning on the word. Truly hoping in the mustard seed of faith I was given in the beginning that’s turned into a faith like Moses in the wilderness to change this situation. After all, nothing is too big for EL Almighty!
Essentially, the enemy was basically eating me up alive and I didn’t know he existed!
1 Peter 5:8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:
The spirit of the Holy Lord tells me that I’m not the only one who's dealt with this situation in the church. Add to that recent experiences with those who consider themselves brethren and I feel confident in saying many could learn from this writing. Hence why I felt led to write this book all while bringing my sin out into the light.
To dive a little deeper into the perils holding me hostage in the first decade of my walk.
My first peril existed around the fact that when I read the scriptures there appeared to be two GOD’s. You see, when I read the bible I saw more than one God. From my perspective one loved and one hated with a passion. How could I think; was God bipolar?
The thought sure did cross my mind.
Oh, the ignorance that once held me in such bondage! Forgive me Father!
The bible says there is only ONE TRUE LIVING GOD.
Jeremiah 10:10 “But the LORD is the true God, he is the living God, and an everlasting king: at his wrath the earth shall tremble, and the nations shall not be able to abide his indignation.”
“Is the true God?” What does this mean? Who is the false God? And why is Lord in all capital letters?
Another verse found in Mark 12:29 “Jesus replied, “This is the most important: ‘Hear O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is One.”
“This is the most important”? Okay, it’s so important that when the Messiah was here among us HE said… “This is the most important.” How come I’ve not been told anything about this really important matter that is considered the most important in the brick and mortar church building?
Then, there’s the first of the ten commandments that also made no sense. “Thou shalt have no other gods before me”.
Have no other gods before me? Who are these lower case ’g’ gods? Why does the Almighty tell us not to have ‘them’ before Him? Who are these other gods? If there’s only one true living God who then is the false one?
Why did the church not talk about what I was seeing (and what I was unable to see)? Why did the church seem to evade all the most important topics? Couldn’t help but think; Who am I to question leaders in the church?
So, for the most part, I remained silent, because I’m a nobody who just wanted to learn more about what I’d encountered the day I met Christ.
But why did I leave church with more questions, than I did answers, every time I set foot in it? Why did I seem to take a different standpoint on what the scriptures we covered that week meant? Of course, I read the scriptures on my own! How could I not? I truly was hungry to know more. However, I trusted the church and would follow their suggestions on what to study while reading their handouts as a guide. Unfortunately, when I read what was written I always had a different understanding than what I’d come away with from the church services that following weekend. Which only led to more confusion.
Not speaking up seemed like the right thing to do. After all, you trust those who confess Christ to speak truth to you. Not to feed you something unprofitable. Besides, it’s the meek thing to do. Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted Word, which is able to save your souls. James 1:21
To top it off I’m a female. I wanted to learn in silence just as it’s written. 1 Timothy 2:11 “Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. 12 But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.”
Years into my walk things began to happen. They weren’t anything ordinary. They were extremely strange and destructive. It was as if an outside hand was doing everything in their power to sabotage everything. It was overwhelming, no one would listen to me, no one cared, and everyone kept treating me like Cinderella. While they were stealing from me, using me, and operating smear campaigns that simply weren’t true!
What was going on?
For many years I sat stupefied. Absolutely ignorant and unaware of what was happening to me. Unable to see and hear clearly. What was going on? I asked this question for many years (as I was truly clueless). Although it is written in 1 Peter 4:12 Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you:
I would often find myself reading the Word of God and not understanding how it applied to my life. It was like, this makes no sense to me. What does this mean? How is this applicable to my life?
The church wasn’t answering any of these things. In fact, I didn’t even feel comfortable talking about them. I felt like an outcast with my experiences cause no one else in the church seemed to have them. If they did, I sure didn’t hear anything about them.
Life was extremely stressful because of my fiery trials and my absolute ignorance from unbelief. I can recall standing in front of a mirror contemplating suicide. Again, it was a difficult time. I didn’t know what to make of it. I’d only known it was tied to “GOD”. I was thinking and asking myself… Why does God hate me so much? Why did HE curse me? Why does He allow these things to happen to me? That’s when I heard another voice in my spirit that I knew was not my own.
Jesus calls himself the Good Shepherd and HE says, My children, they know me; they hear my voice and they listen! John 10:27-28
He said, “You are your own worst enemy. How come you can’t be your own best friend?”
I stood, paralyzed, looking at myself. Oh, how I hated myself. I was so ugly! There was nothing good about me that I’d ever seen up to that point. Why was I even born? I tried to see something good. But, that evaded me. There wasn’t any hope for me to love myself at that moment. As I stood there, it’s like; I knew. I knew something, Yet, I didn’t know what that something was. So I tried talking to this voice I’d heard in my spirit. And I said, “Ever since you’ve come into my life it has been shit! Everyone hates me! Everyone is cruel! And I don’t understand! If you’d not come into my life things would be fine for me and I don’t know what the heck you are trying to teach me here in all of this….
BUT, I AM WILLING TO LEARN… LEAD ME IN THE WAY”.
I was frustrated, and to be honest, my life hasn’t been shit since HE came into it. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. But I was lost at the time and my fiery trial was hot and I suck at being a human.
Anyhow...
Around the same time things were going crazy in my life. I’d been asking a slew of questions and admittedly praying for things that I shouldn’t have been. Plus, I was leaning on my own understanding even though it is written in Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding and in all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
During this same exact time, I found Youtube teaching me things that blew my mind. I can’t say I believed them at first. However, I can say I was truly interested in these topics. That’s when I’d come into a man -led by the Holy Spirit- named Jonathan Kleck.
Jonathan taught in a way I’d never seen before. His foreign style of teaching wouldn’t have been easy to watch if it weren’t for things happening in and around my life just prior to his teachings. This scenario made watching him easier and it also made things quite intriguing to say the least.
This framework was like clockwork for quite some time. No lie. Every time something happened in and around my life -and I posed questions about it- he would produce a video that spoke of that very thing (which btw, still happens to this very day). But, somehow I lost track of Jonathan’s work for a minute. I thought he disappeared off YT. Unbeknownst to myself I was unsubscribed from his channel.
Nonetheless, his style of teaching was outright odd and not just a little bit. I mean far more than unusual (saying this with laughter now). It totally went against everything I’d been taught in the church. Jonathan is truly peculiar and by the end of this writing you will know how his style of teaching impacted my life.
In his testimony he says he had an encounter with Michael the archangel and Michael told him that the small still quiet voice inside of him was God's voice. He instructed him to learn to listen to it. How come it took me more than a decade to understand what that meant even though I’d a small still voice in me telling me things too? I believe Acts 28:27 answers this question. “For the heart of this people is become gross, and their ears are dull of hearing, and their eyes have they closed; lest they should see with their eyes, and hear with their ears, and understand with their heart, and should be converted, and I should heal them.” Plus, the church wasn’t telling me to listen to the Spirit, again, I had no understanding of the Holy Spirit for the first decade of my life. Even though it was written, I simply didn’t know.
It’s written in Isaiah 28:9-10 Whom is He trying to teach? To whom is He explaining His message? To infants just weaned from milk? To babies removed from the breast? 10 For they hear: “Order on order, order on order, line on line, line on line; a little here, a little there.”
This tells us that we don’t learn HIS commands/statutes overnight. We learn them by diligently studying the written Word of God. We learn this by adding a scripture here and a scripture there to obtain what it all means.
Just as we have done here and now.
Another authors note: This writing is a part of a series. I originally had written it out. It laid needing to be completed as a book. As I stated earlier it really is a rough draft that I thought to put out here just to get it out. Since a blog post can only fit so much. Look for upcoming posts to go deeper into this testimony. The one I call... "My life"
